30 April 2012

quinara: Rinoa from FFVIII watching petals fly. (Rinoa petals)
I think I may be giving up on my Shakespeare thing. :(

I know, it's only been a week, I hear you cry, but I found myself at the point where I was really going to be putting off the inevitable if I didn't just give up - and the idea of all the complicated going backwards and forwards was getting me down. Also, looking at the amount of money I owe British Gas and thinking about how much money I'm spending on train tickets.

As usual, it's my lack of attention to detail/practicality that's really been the bugger. In theory, I love the idea of a multi-lingual Shakespeare festival, and I have been enjoying the actual plays as objects. The problem is that the actual experience has not been play-play-Shakespeare-joy so much as feeling constantly tired, cold, distracted and lonely - which I should have remembered from the last time I studied in the British Library. It is something of a flaw of mine that I am rarely/never 'transported' by art of whatever form; if I'm cold and wet and have sore feet, then adding a play to the whole experience just means that I'm cold and wet and watching a play. It's slightly more pleasant than not having a play at all, but it doesn't cancel things out. On top of that, I really, really can't do much more than one thing at once, and even though the work I've been getting done hasn't been so bad, relatively speaking, I've been constantly feeling like I need to change gear and have to go so I can get to the next thing on time. Yesterday was my first 'day off' and realising how much if felt like a day off today made me realise that this probably wasn't going so well...

It's a bit sad that it turns out I really am one of those sad PhD students who gets twitchy if they're out of the library too long, but I miss cycling in and being able to just slump in my seat with my laptop and my stack of bits I've been keeping on the window sill. Going into London with a rucksack full of stuff everyday doesn't make me feel like anything that involved is happening.

Oh well, it doesn't really matter. Just thought I'd share this new confirmation of things I should have already known about myself - will have to remember in future that my daft ideas aren't always so great. I think I'll still maybe go to some of them, though. I'll see how I feel.


quinara: Sheep on a hillside with a smiley face. (Default)

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