Wedding presents and Kiva loans... Halp?

[quinara]

This would be where I ponder why I haven't had much to say recently, but I think it may just be that things go that way sometimes... My master's course is rushing quite worryingly to the final deadline (three weeks on Tuesday), so that's taking a lot of my attention; otherwise I'm rather fruitlessly searching for somewhere to live next year (since it seems pretty likely I'm carrying on to do a PhD).

But now, dear gang, I come crawling back in need of your help! A friend of mine is getting married in August, and I don't really have any idea what to get her. She doesn't have a registry, and she and her fiancé comment in the invite that they don't want too much stuff, because they're still moving in and out of rented accommodation (they're both medical students), and really would prefer money (though they'd really value anything - aww...). Personally, though, I don't want to give them just money, if only because it is a wedding gift. They could use it wisely and beneficially I'm sure (not that I'm thinking of giving them enough to really make a dent in anything), but I would rather give them something that they might still find useful ten years down the line - they're both Christian and I'm sure the wedding itself will be important to them, so it seems right that they should have some souvenirs of the day, rather than just a reduction in what they have to shell out for rent that month.

Of course, I have absolutely no idea what would be the best thing to give them! I don't want to cause them hassle they don't want, so I'm thinking it'll have to be practical and non-breakable. My mum's thought was that if we worked out the right sort of thing by wandering around some department stores, then I could go to a quirky independent/antique shop and find something unique. But I've been browsing websites and am not sure I'm going to get very far. (No one really wants a pepper grinder, do they? But bowls and teapots will always need boxes and packaging.) Does anyone have any ideas?

Also, I think I've seen a couple of people mentioning Kiva loans in the past, which I think would probably be the sort of route I'd go down if I were to give them some money - as a supplement or on its own - so that they would still get the money (I'm all for charitable giving, but donations on other people's behalf just seems a little rude, unless you know that's what they want), but that money would still actually do something worthwhile in the process. I've never used the site myself, though, so I was wondering if anyone who has could explain it to me a little more from a gift-giving perspective. By which I mean the rather mercenary questions of a) how long does it take (generally) to get the money back (obviously taking into account the very slight risk it won't come at all) and b) how does that money come into your account - is it in useful increments of $25, or is it all trickly and hard to withdraw from PayPal? What are your experiences with it generally?

Cheers for your thoughts!

Comments

[next_to_normal]

What about a nice frame to put their wedding picture in? Still probably requires packaging, but it's almost certainly something they'd need to buy anyway.

Or maybe something personalized? Engraved/embroidered with their names and the wedding date or something?

[quinara]

A picture frame could work! I might hesitate to make it precisely their wedding picture picture frame (by engraving it particularly), because I don't know if their parents might not cover that for them. But engraving might work as well, if I could just work out what they might want engraved...

[via_ostiense]

Culturally, what are your friends' backgrounds? It's Korean custom to give money as a wedding present to help the couple on the next stage of their life together (and probably to help defray the costs of the wedding, too), and it may be the custom in other cultures as well. Or it may just be what they genuinely want; they'll have lots of gorgeous photos and happy memories as souvenirs, even if they don't receive any gifts at all!

(Personally, after a few experiences with buying wedding presents, I'm a fan of people who come right out and say that money would be great, because I'm positive that the acquaintances who asked for a crepe pan don't actually use the crepe pan. Ditto for the couple who put an elephant-shaped cake stand on their registry, and for the non-cooking couple who wanted a stand mixer.)

I've used Kiva before, and the term on loans varies quite a lot, from five month to three years. Withdrawal is through PayPal (Kiva transfers the money to your PayPal account, and then you can transfer it to a bank account), rather than directly to a bank account or via check. There aren't any restrictions on how much/little you can withdraw on the Kiva side, but I don't know if PayPal sets a minimum amount for transferring money to a bank account.

[quinara]

I did wonder if it could be a cultural thing, because the fiancé is Spanish from an Egyptian family, but a brief Google search seemed to imply that monetary gifts from guests fit into the same category as they do in my friend's English background - replacing traditional gifts with something that's easier and potentially more useful for everyone. You make a good point about photos and things, though; I suppose it always seemed to me that wedding presents (in a perfect world) end up being the sort of thing you use everyday and basically just let the couple settle into their lives a bit more, while money comes and goes. In English (/British/I don't know how far it goes) tradition, the invitation was from my friend's parents and it will almost certainly be them putting on the party (and they are quite affluent), so I think it's more about going forward with the money than paying for the wedding.

Thanks for the info on Kiva - PayPal has a withdrawal minimum of $10/£6, so I'm not too worried about that. Do you think that would be a viable alternative, as someone on the pro-money side? I have a feeling I should get with the money-as-gift programme and do the 'your gift is money; but here's a little something to unwrap', which I suppose is actually a fairly common alternative among people I know these days...

[via_ostiense]

I suppose it always seemed to me that wedding presents (in a perfect world) end up being the sort of thing you use everyday and basically just let the couple settle into their lives a bit more, while money comes and goes.

{nod} I like giving presents, too (and receiving them ;)), and would that they were always of that nature!

Do you think that would be a viable alternative, as someone on the pro-money side?

Personally, I would love to receive that as a gift (and have in the past; the +1 gave me Kiva money as a gift on some occasion the first year we were seeing each other, and it was delightful) -- it gives the recipient the option of lending the money out for good projects while letting them choose what they want to do with it, and recouping it in the end if they like.

I'm at the age where my acquaintances are starting to get married, but most of them have been settled down for a few years already, in the sense of having a flat, furnishings, and all the cooking tools they need, so I expect that more of them will start asking for money rather than setting up registries. There was one couple that said no gifts but designated an educational charity if people felt like giving something, which was cool (and very altruistic, if workable mostly because both individuals had high-paying jobs).

[evilawyer]

A knitted blanket/coverlet thing (we call them "afghans" here; not sure it it's the same name there) they can throw over the back of the couch and use to snuggle is a nice thing.

Never heard of Kiva loans, so no thoughts on them

[quinara]

A blanket sounds like a nice idea! (I'm not sure what we'd call them, possibly because I have a feeling its one of those things we don't standardly go in for; people tend to leave their sofas bare, but I get the impression from TV that having a blanket permanently over the back of them is quite standard in the US?)

Fair enough!

[evilawyer]

I get the impression from TV that having a blanket permanently over the back of them is quite standard in the US?

Not so much as the TV shows would have you believe, I think, but it is done. Plus, it's kind of nice to have something like that handy. (They are also sometimes referred to as "throws", but those are usually a bit narrower than proper afghans.)

Now I must investigate these Kiva loans, because my curiosity has been piqued.

[quinara]

It does seem very convenient... I think we're mostly just house-proud and don't think anything other than cushions are very stylish on a sofa! But we do have throws... More usually on beds, I think(??? - I know nothing).

I just set myself up with one, because I've been meaning to. It was very easy! (But then I have a PayPal account already.) It seems like a very good thing.

[evilawyer]

I think we're mostly just house-proud and don't think anything other than cushions are very stylish on a sofa!

Hah! That reminds me so much of my mom (pre-dementia). She'd shake her head in disgust and say "Americani and their stracci" when she'd see things that were supposed to bring that homey touch.

[quinara]

She'd shake her head in disgust and say "Americani and their stracci" when she'd see things that were supposed to bring that homey touch.

Hee!! I shall pass no comment. :D

[next_to_normal]

Haha, I don't know if it's standard here, but it is pretty common.

I have one, and my parents have had one on their casual family room sofa, but never on the fancy only-sit-here-when-company-comes sofa. :) I find it convenient for when I'm watching TV and I'm cold but don't want to get up to put on a sweater.

[spiralleds]

I purchase Kiva loans all the time, and if I were getting married, I'd think such a loan would be quite cool. You can also get gift cards from Kiva, so they would get the personal connection of picking by various categories individuals/groups, male or female, country, type (education, arts, agriculture, etc.) Kiva does encourage giving a percentage on top of the loan to help cover overhead. You can pick any amount, including zero.

I've never collected my money, just reinvested it, so I have no idea how easy or hard retrieval is. But just as an FYI, while they are loans, currently the one making the loan only receives the capital back, not any interest.

[quinara]

Oh, good! I can't work out whether they would mind having the money come through something else, or want money because they could have it in a lump. I understood that the loan wouldn't come with interest, and I think my only worry about the actual money side of things is having to do the whole process all in dollars, which will inevitably lose a few pounds on both sides of the exchange; it's mostly the convenience aspect I'm thinking about, since it looks like the money will turn itself into a series of small amounts, so if they wanted to use it to buy something else they would have to wait a while. But then that could be nice, I thought, since it would be like them getting another wedding present on their first anniversary or something... I just don't know how busy their lives are going to be immediately after the wedding, so whether something they have to set up would be any sort of inconvenience.