quinara: Buffy looks up with a bloom of yellow sparklies behind her. (Buffy sparkles)
(I could do proper Latin, but seriously; how wank would that be?)

So, I had grand plans about what I was going to write in this post. As far as I can tell, several people that I like and respect in fandom (both on my flist and off) have been betrayed deeply in recent days. And, for the most part, I thought it was best that I didn't get involved, because I don't know the person whose integrity has been brought into question and surely I could only ever make things worse. But at the same time, how can anyone be neutral in situations like this? Moreover, as I went through iterations of what I might say, the more I realised that the purpose of my post (this post) would always be straightforward. Because, when I think back on all the times I've been betrayed by friends (which, if you look at my friendship choices from the age of five, has happened a lot), I realise that one of the things that made it most difficult was that every time it made me isolated, in my own head or else within the group that were immediately affected. And while online I am something of a jaded has-been, in RL I have been fucked over, crying in public, angry and confused.

And you might all think I'm wrong. You might be reading this, thinking 'fuck off, Quin; my friend didn't betray me'. And honestly I don't mind. The jaded fandomite that I am would say that is a pattern which has been played many times before in the last 10+ years. And I don't like this friend of yours. But that's not really important. The important thing, which I feel I must say in this public post, which the wine urges me on to say (I had a do at work), is please, don't let this define your fandom experience. Or else close it down and cut you off from everywhere else. The rest of us randomers will still be here; you are still with us and part of us and we will keep chatting to you about random stuff. People like me will be crap at it, partly because we've been burnt enough times to keep to ourselves and the people we know well already, but we will be here. This isn't the end, and we are friends/friends-of-friends of you for you.

I mean, I speak for myself here, but I feel like others will agree...?

Anyway, this may be pointless. But this is a post. Because I'm crap at keeping things implicit, and I do really think you've been manipulated. I might also be wrong, and if you believe I am then I want you to know that I think we still have a friendship which is viable.

(And that goes for the lot of you, also, who have no idea what the fuck I'm on about. You are the great internet, wot iz my friends, no matter the differences of opinions that might otherwise split us apart.)

Urgh... This is really dire, isn't it? Still. I'm clicking the button anyway.
quinara: Cartoon Giles cleaning his glasses. (Giles cartoon)
So, I have been very entertained by this MBTI meme. Partly because I was always entertained by it generally, partly because this time I finally worked out what the heck was going on with the functions aspect of the whole lark. This page says something about it, but the basic thing is that the personality types are all based on the different ways that the four lettered attributes interrelate. (The Wikipedia page on each type in general gives some info about this.)

But the interesting thing is that I was googling, and managed to find someone's blog where they explained the different functions (as the dominant part of people's personalities) through Buffy characters. Et voila:


This person seems to have a nice blog and it is interesting (and if I know Wordpress they're going to get a pingback, so hi! I like your blog). But I am not sure I agree on their interpretations of the characters (and you act like you're shocked!). Their Buffy is an ESFP, based on the principles of horror stereotypes and Buffy's supposedly dominant Se (extroverted sensing, ie. uncanny awareness of the world around her). Now, I would never say that Buffy doesn't do extroverted sensing, but I think the thing that most occupies the way she goes through life is far more Fe (extroverted feeling ie. the desire to produce social harmony, as they have Joyce representing). Really, I think she has to be ENFJ (Fe-Ni–Se–Ti; driven towards social harmony based on gut instincts, increasingly supported by an awareness of the physical world and, god, finally, if really necessary, the application of rational judgement).

As for Spike... It has to be ISFP (Fi–Se-Ni–Te; driven by internal feelings based on sensory experience of the world around, increasingly supported by gut instincts and finally, when push comes to shove, sorting shit out.)

Anyway, these are the blogger's impressions of the other Buffy and Angel characters (they have Spike as ISTP - you just can't convince me Spike (Spike!!) is driven by rational judgements about situations. I'm not sure Spike has had a Ti thought in his life.):


I think Dru has to be an ENFP, as they say, and Angelus as an ENTJ sort of makes sense... But then passion does (/should) rule us all according to him and Angel is a people person, whatever he says. I could see Angel in general as another ENFJ; he and Buffy (and without a soul) just disagree about what harmony means. Anyway, now I want to type everyone! I've only got to Xander, who I'm pretty sure is an introvert, and goal-oriented and feelingsy and sensingy, so - ISFJ (Si–Fe–Ti–Ne; driven to learn from/build on the past based on a will for social harmony, increasingly supported by rational interpretation and, under extreme duress, a sense of likely consequences). I dunno; I think it works???
quinara: Owl from Meg and Mog driving: 'Who let the owl drive?' (Meg and Mog Owl drive)
Sometimes I think Laurie Penny talks completely out of her backside (or more likely on three coffees at three AM before a deadline when she actually can't think of anything to say), but sometimes she's great and this was nice:


Sherlock spoilers(ish) ) All of these things are significantly less plausible than gay sex. I’m just saying.

What is significant about fan fiction is that it often spins the kind of stories that showrunners wouldn’t think to tell, because fanficcers often come from a different demographic. The discomfort seems to be not that the shows are being reinterpreted by fans, but that they are being reinterpreted by the wrong sorts of fans - women, people of colour, queer kids, horny teenagers, people who are not professional writers, people who actually care about continuity (sorry). The proper way for cultural mythmaking to progress, it is implied, is for privileged men to recreate the works of privileged men from previous generations whilst everyone else listens quietly. That’s how it’s always been done. That’s how it should be done in the future, whatever Tumblr says.

But time can be rewritten. Myths can bend and change. Something new and exciting is happening in the world of storytelling, and fans are an important part of it. All kinds of fans, from obsessive cupboard-dwellers to the shouty social justice crowd to livejournal perverts who just want to know what Sherlock would have to say about the chemical composition of personal lubricant.

On this and other matters, it doesn’t do showrunners any harm to pay attention to their fans. We are living in a world of stories where thousands of new voices from diverse communities are speaking up, sharing ideas and creating new worlds out of the shadows of the ones we knew as children - but so far, a handful of professional chaps still get to make the decisions. Now, where have we heard that one before?

(To put my cards on the table, I haven't been watching Sherlock this series, but I wandered through a few times when my parents were watching it over Christmas to see the bit I quote LP's description of and thought it was dead cringe + just an insult. In general I went off Sherlock last season and haven't heard anything to make me think it's got any better/any less like Doctor Who... But the piece is still nice.)
quinara: Little cartoon girl from the Devics' Distant Radio EP cover. (Devics Distant Radio)
I'm never here; I'm not up to date with anything; my last Seasonal Spuffy fic was written in an even bigger unbeta'd rush than usual; I'm not entirely sure I've managed to address the criticisms I got on a version of this eight years ago - but how could I resist, nonetheless? Please bring out your concrit and anything you've ever thought but didn't want to say at the time!

my thread here

Or just say it here. I'm going to try and think of things to say for other people, though I might leave it a little while so the timestamping doesn't give it away...

*nomnomnom crit*
quinara: Mog from Meg and Mog swimming in a diving suit. (Meg and Mog Mog underwater)
Sorry; should have said that ages ago. Suffice to say the second of half of term was very busy and various things were/continue to be quite stressful. Currently I'm dealing with it via profligate online spending... :/ But given we live in times of miniscule interest rates and moderate inflation there's naff all point saving anyway, right? And my job hunt for next October might be successful...

Not much news otherwise. Main bit of spending was on a beautiful new work laptop, because my old one was held together by sellotape and tended to crash all the time anyway. Technically it was mostly bought with the money I earnt teaching this term, though I sort of went over-budget after getting seduced beyond my means... Also, I didn't factor in that in the last three years Microsoft have changed their licensing on Office to make them all single-use unless you already have Office365. Since my PC just has normal Office 2013 I also had to put up another hundred quid for that. :( But I'm writing on it now and it's lovely!! I continue to be the only person in the world who actually likes Windows 8, and now I've got to grips with SkyDrive, I quite like that too.

I have also decided I'm going to try growing the dye out of my hair (which has been henna'd red for at least the last seven years and with a box before that), because I decided the red was making my face look even redder. I'm hoping with age and experience what I remember as mousey brown might read as ash blonde this time around, or else I might help it along a bit anyway. The plan is to look pale and interesting, rather than an angsty teenager, which the red reminds me of being. We shall see.

My fandom output has been minimal, continuing to be limited to javascript web doodles for [livejournal.com profile] sb_fag_ends - but do make sure to check out our advent calendar! Especially tomorrow, if you get a chance, or before the end of December. Such javascript plotting is indeed relevant for something else [livejournal.com profile] bogwitch and I are working on, but that's still officially unannounced, so don't watch this space.

Finally, many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] curiouswombat and [livejournal.com profile] speakr2customrs for the Christmas card! It did indeed manage to traverse the far reaches of space and time; I was very impressed. Merry Christmas to you (glad to hear everyone's OK) and extra merry Christmasses to everyone who wants one!
quinara: Mog from Meg and Mog swimming in a diving suit. (Meg and Mog Mog underwater)
But we had a great Halloween challenge on [livejournal.com profile] sb_fag_ends, not that I was much help with it. (Still not... *waves at co-mods feebly*) [livejournal.com profile] seasonal_spuffy is back again, so make sure you catch up with that too!

My SS day, of course, is Sunday... I was basically stuck on things to do, then came up with an idea during my walk to and from the faculty or maybe when I was reading Seuils in the shop and eating porridge (neither of these things bear relevance to the idea). Unfortunately there is now limited time to produce this idea, which is still possibly without a point and will almost certainly want to be longer than I can possibly produce. Sigh face! Also, I'm so out of practice for writing fic that I keep shifting tenses into the present. I used to wonder how the heck anyone did this because it seemed like such an unnatural pattern of thought, but it turns out that if you are very much in the habit of writing in the present tense then your ideas start coming out that way even though you don't mean them to. I think my problem is that the plot I want to do isn't really a medium for dealing with the theme I think I'm writing about. I have no idea what a plot would be for that. Especially to make sure it's a Spuffy plot. Why does everyone else seem to be able to come up with stories when all I ever come up with is puzzles!

Blergh. Ill. Might got to bed now. Tired.

Although one ETA: Housemate and I watched The Fugitive last night and it was excellent. I miss that film's prevalence in Christmas schedules.
quinara: Sheep on a hillside with a smiley face. (Default)
I seem to have been nominated at the Sunnydale Memorial Fanfic Awards, so just wanted to say thank you to whoever nominated me - you're a peach! I'm up for gazillions of things on behalf of the Spikeid, which is lovely of you, and also a drabble I wrote years and years ago, which is also extremely flattering.
quinara: Profile shot of Cassie from Skins, with lots of hair and a hat. (Cassie hat)
Go, go, go: [livejournal.com profile] moriwen1's What is This, a Joke?

Spike and Aslan walk into a bar. Or, more exactly, Spike's on the hunt for his soul and ends up with a bloody terrifying lead. Cue a breezy-fresh short story with solid metaphysical credentials nonetheless. And chapter one has a twist that keeps on giving. [livejournal.com profile] brutti_ma_buoni already linked it, but I'm linking it again, because I don't want you lot to miss it!

In other news, which should probably get its own post so as not to sour the proceedings, I've been sucked back into The Voice? I think it must say something for the rejigging of the format, because it was about this time last year that I abandoned it. It's just a fact, though, that neither Danny wotsisarrogantface nor Tom Jones have any clue about production, which is such a shame, because Jessie J and will.i.am's people are the only ones who end up giving proper thought-through performances.

Everyone's clear favourite, as it should be, is Leah... Because this is just aces! I can't bear pop, but modern covers of disco I apparently like. Also, the vast heaps of sarcasm she pours over the lyrics are great.

But I also like Leanne, who got kicked off. I think she dreams of being Christina Aguilera, but she really needs to be on the dance circuit. That icy high register of hers is dying out for pounding electronics. As they started getting to with this:

Soz; I iz proper hyper on curry and Hotel Chocolat chocolate wot I couldn't resist on the way home.
quinara: Meg from Meg and Mog presenting her cake: 'ta da!' (Meg and Mog Meg ta da)
It was the [livejournal.com profile] bogwitch's birthday yesterday, so the appropriate thing to do seemed to be to make an Illyria fanmix, with bogwitch-friendly tracks and a very thin narrative.

Ta daa!!

Can't believe it's Friday tomorrow already.
quinara: Profile shot of Cassie from Skins, with lots of hair and a hat. (Cassie hat)
Many thanks to whomever nominated me at [livejournal.com profile] absence_oflight! I have my suspicions who it was, but I shall keep quiet - it's very much appreciated!!

In other news, I bought some new plant pots and will be attempting to grow/maintain basil plant number three. Don't know why I bothered buying more coriander; may not bother with it and just grow mint instead. Yum, mint. Have moved my jade plant into this hideous blingy mosaic glass ball thing (meant for candles and presumably the ugly nineties spa look?), but as I hoped the soil tones down the blingy glass and leaves it a nice-ish textured pot that goes with the living room. (It was the right size, basically, and everything else was horrible too. This was so ugly it charmed me...)

Generally, I am in complete love with this song - ish. It's the best off the album (which isn't that great, but nice enough), and the original was one of my favourites off the original album. It's definitely better than the original, but I feel like something's supposed to happen after the first two minutes that never does. :(

quinara: Buffy leaning against Giles' counter in The Wish (Buffy Wish leaning)
I'm in such a weird place with fandom at the moment. I've been drifting offline more and more, but over the last couple of days I've been reading my old fics in one of those elusive moods where I can enjoy it rather than just picking out the flaws - and I miss them all. :( I don't know what's happened over the last couple of years - with my S6 Spuffy series and Fag Ends I've somehow ended up distracted away from all my short story experiments of 4-20K words, but I still love them to pieces. Two and a half year's distance means I can appreciate all of the frustration people felt reading An Exercise in Futility, for example, but then I kind of revel in that feeling. It entertains me that there are so many things spinning in the air - and that the actual emotional weight and impact of the story exist entirely in the negative space around it, one you've got to the end and think about it a bit. I have a plan for the novel it should go with somewhere on my other computer, and I kind of wish that that existed, but I doubt I'll ever get round to it.

I've even been re-reading my Spikeid - and I'm finally at peace with the pacing issues in books 6-8. I'm quite determined to revise them at some point, because it seems so clear to me that there are just a few transitions that need to be re-worked and bulked out with some space, but it's been finished for long enough that I can enjoy it.

And that's the thing, because, for whatever reason it seems/feels as though very little of what I write these days really strikes a chord with people, compared to back in the day. Which is fine. It's not as if I don't still do relatively well for feedback (love to you all!) and I'm not great at responding to positivity anyway, always looking for the next adrenaline rush and trying to find the negativity hidden between the lines - but then this seems to have got worse and actually become a problem in the last year or so, because I get so invested in things and then can't feel satisfied after I've put them up, obsessing for longer than makes me happy. Which makes me think it's not worth continuing; I should look to original stuff, give myself a change rather than hanging on for an audience who've gone another way. And yet, then I re-read old things again and remember I've only ever really written to entertain myself. And I still do.

Ergh, but then I can't bring myself to open the Word doc and start writing. I think I blame the Spikeid and Turn and Face the Strain. Those two projects burnt me out. And the fact I'm still dissatisfied with them (even if I'm at peace with that dissatisfaction) continues to burn me out. (Also, why can't I punctuate? Idiomatic prose/verse shouldn't be so difficult to punctuate in a way that brings across the nuances I want from it.)

Blech. This has been a self-obsessed ramble about me as an author. But then, I got into LJ back in the day to be part of a community of authors, so I fear this is what I'm posting.
quinara: Buffy's sad-looking profile from Villains. (Buffy profile)
I wrote a fic! And because I get some sort of masochistic thrill from posting where no one will see things, I've put it up (for the moment) at [livejournal.com profile] sb_ashtray, [livejournal.com profile] sb_fag_ends' new sister comm! No specified pairings or characters, no limits, just responses to the Fag Ends prompts of yore, whenever you get round to it. The fic itself is Spuffy nonetheless and the first part of four. The whole thing should come in around 16,000 words, probably just R. It's the turning point in the London futureverse of mine where Spuffy go from their long distance relationship to living together, because that's always something I've wanted to work out how it happens. Check it out!

What it is to Burn.
After three years in a long distance relationship, Buffy’s the one who cracks first.

(I am in such a weird mood today. It's been massively stormy and I made the mistake of getting MineCraft (the Technic Pack in particular). I'm too much of a noob to go on the multiplayer server, so I've been pottering around this empty world entirely on my own, full of dreams of building some sort of steampunk magic railway but mostly unable to find anything I'm looking for and failing to set up my one machine properly. And then dying the moment I actually get my hands on some diamonds. It doesn't help that my laptop's too rickety to run the game smoothly, so it's actually physically tiring to play. Sigh.)
quinara: Cartoon Giles cleaning his glasses. (Giles cartoon)
My creativity is at a seriously low ebb, but I always like talking about past creations! Leave me any bit of anything I've written/created in the comments and I will indeed, as the meme going round says, give you a DVD-style commentary about it. Even if it's just gags/anecdotes. (It's possible I like those DVD commentaries the best in RL... But I also have wankery to share!)

[Find fic, poetry and vids on DW!]
[Find fic, poetry and vids on LJ!]
[Find fic and poetry on the AO3!]
[Find vids on Vimeo!]
quinara: Sheep on a hillside with a smiley face. (Default)
Sorry everyone I owe comments and stuff to; I seem to be in a moment of disengagement. Should be out of it by Monday, hopefully Sunday because there are fag_ends things to do... But on the plus side the four hours I lay in bed this morning were also the time my brain decided to work out what happens in my vamp!Buffy-Spuffy fic, which includes among other things the solution as to why the fuck I bothered characterising Dawn and Satsu's teenage children in my head.

So that's all good.

/I will miss Twenty Twelve (the sitcom).
quinara: Approaching Black Mage from FFIX. (FFIX black mage)
FFS, I told myself last night that I wasn't allowed to think about this, but... I can't believe it's been ten years - ten years - and people are still demonising and threatening people who dare:

1. Read Smashed in a way that Buffy is not a victim.
2. Analyse Buffy/Spike on its own individual basis of a relationship between two characters in a fantasy world rather than something solely contextualised by impersonal sociological narratives.
3. Suggest that they find Spuffy hot.

And the whole thing's been brought about by someone who operates on the assumption that we're all dense enough to believe that he 'forgot' he knew about SR when he started shouting at people for having different views about Smashed.

I'm so angry.

All I've got is my video which I like to think indicates that Spike's sarcasm vs. Buffy's violence has been their game for a long time:

Tell me they both fuck up in S6, but don't tell me either is fully taking control.

ETA: On the other side of the coin, All Butterfly AU, anyone? (+ bogwitch's comedy sequel)
quinara: Profile shot of Olivier from FMA:B, mostly of her hair. (Olivier profile)
This is where I post the most pathetic whinge about AO3 that has ever been whinged. I like to think I'm not that wanky about my creative stuff; I can let things go; the net is an imperfect publication system and that's OK (how many fics have I split up to post on LJ that weren't meant to be split into parts?). But apparently I can still be irrationally irritated by minor things...

Basically, what this boils down to is the way you align text to the right on the AO3 interface. (Yes. Text alignment. I know.) My last poem was aligned right - some might say unnecessarily, but it was still a conscious decision. To display that on LJ and DW I put the whole thing in a tag <div style="text-align:right"> - but the AO3 doesn't support in line styling, so the poster strips the tag down to just <div>, which does nothing to the alignment. I get around it by using <div align="right"> - but I try not to use depreciated HTML (except <font> in comments because it's just very easy... I am a bad HTMLer :( ), so I drop a line to Support, because it seems odd that this would be the most sensible way around the issue. As it turns out, it isn't, and the AO3-recommended way to do things like aligning sections of text etc. is to apply a CSS work skin (eg. the public basic formatting skin) and then use classes, ie. pull down on one extra option on the posting form's menu and then use the tag <div class="align-right">.

To be fair, this is very easy (although I feel like I should mention that this wouldn't make sense to someone who's trying to use the Rich Text editor, because that has an alignment button and it doesn't work). My issue with it is the way this Work Skins business has been implemented is so that creator's styles can be very easily be turned off, either by default or by a fairly obvious button at the top of the work. So now anyone on the work page can basically toggle my poem back and forth across their monitor. I suppose this is so, should there be a trend in formatting fics in eyes-bleedingly ugly ways they can be very easily turned back into plain text - but. While the rational, readerly part of me understands this is very sensible, the wanky poet part of my head won't stop ranting, "but the poem is aligned right!! It's not aligned 'right but with a button in case you want to read it left-aligned'!! The act of moving your eyes from the part of the page where you expect text to this other corner is a whole part of the reading process!! It's not there to be toggled at will!! It should just be!!".

And yet the rational part of me that is proud of her basic HTML skills refuses to change the tag back to something wrong just to get rid of the button, not least because it's the site standard and you should uphold people's expectations. So now I'm miffed - about something which isn't really a problem. Because I wrote too much poetry and became pretentious. :(

We shall not talk about the time I spent faffing with longhand spaces - ie. [ampersand]nbsp[semi-colon] - in my last poem so that everything was aligned correctly on the various different platforms I posted it, with their different fonts and sizes + posters which strip back multiple typed spaces. Concrete poetry doesn't half feel that way when you post it in HTML...
quinara: Vyvyan's car from The Young Ones: a yellow Ford Anglia with flames up the side.  And a leg attached to the bonnet. (Vyvyan car)
I have written a couple of fics for The Awesome Ladies Ficathon and Art-a-thon, which I shall bring over later, but you should check it out and comment and prompt and write and artify and everything!

Secondly, is anyone watching Dead Boss? This is the latest sitcom that's keeping me entertained and it does it very well. It's a murder mystery+prison comedy about one Helen, who has been wrongly imprisoned for the murder of her boss. Many, many amusing characters - my favourites are Mrs. Bridges, the dead boss's widow, who is a sort of EastEnders-style arch villain (but clearly a red herring) and also Helen's sister Laura, who has basically taken over her sister's life now she's in prison and wants to be played by Beyoncé when Helen gets out and they sell the film rights of her story. And it has Jennifer Saunders in!

Thirdly, I was soooooooo wrong about Burial (at least the recent stuff, I haven't relistened to see if I was wrong about the early stuff), and have been in love with certain tracks the last few days. This is the latest one: Four Walls, done in collaboration with Massive Attack. Commit about three minutes to it (at least until the proper vocals kick in) and you will (hopefully!) see why:
quinara: Spike crowding Buffy against a wall in OAFA. (Spuffy wall)
Hello world!! If you're even tangentially in Buffy fandom and have a vague interest in Spike and/or Buffy, please take a look at the discussion we're having in [livejournal.com profile] sb_fag_ends and add your opinions! We value your input, innit. :D

Discussion Post of Doom!!

quinara: Spike's car driving down the road. (Spike car)
1. I take back everything negative I've ever said about Burial. All right, it's rare for me to be more into an artist's later stuff than earlier stuff, but I should have known better. Listening to tracks from 2007 is not enough!

2. I have finally found a track for the epic long-narrative/silent-movie-almost style vid concept I've been wanting to do for ages.

3. These things may be related.

4. Erm... When I appear with such an item in an unspecified number of months, people will be interested, right? It'll be Spuffy! At least in a parallel character study sense. Think of something like a sequel to 4'33", but less myopic.

Blergh... I don't want to do the boring bit where I work out which DVD chapters I want to rip as a starting point. Damn this complicated creative process...


quinara: Sheep on a hillside with a smiley face. (Default)

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